1st Annual Alt-Lit Writers Awards
will be crowned the biggest piece of lit in 2011? This contest will answer
that. Mark your calendars, get a pen, and do it manually. I don’t want to see
any ‘oh, I saved it on my Iphone’ nonsense. No, this is serious. This is the
first annual alt-lit writer awards, hosted by haunted hoodie. Haunted hoodie
has been all over the alt-lit scene, and has contributed to letpeoplepoems,
Metazen, Happy Dog Mom Lit Journal, and more. Some state haunted hoodie is
nothing more than a hoodie without a person inside it, that a chair supports
its ghostly frame. I say ‘Wake up! Ghosts can have online internet presences
too. Besides, why not have a ghost maintain a web presence. It makes sense;
they have a lot of time since they are already dead. Dead people enjoy liking
your Facebook photos.’
happy about the categories. I want to know who is nominated. What are the
prizes? Frank Hinton is mysterious, but she ought to show some of the sweet
prize cakes for these pieces of lit. Will they be literal prize cakes, or is ‘prize
cake’ a metaphor for the respect and admiration of the online alternative
literary community. If that is the case, I gladly trade my online cred for
literal food. I’m starving. I have no money. I subsist off of my Yam farm here
in rural Montana, alongside jerked tree bark.
are the categories. I wish I could ‘call’ one of them, but really, I do not
know enough to predict the future. Heck, I barely even know Frank Hinton, the
shadowy force behind this gala.
this list looks comprehensive, it isn’t. What about all the bloggers? How can I
nominate Alt Lit Gossip, or Banango, or countless other online literary loves?
I can’t. Are they online mags? I don’t know. That bothers me. I want to vote. I
want to give each writer I know an opportunity at fame, not fortune. Sorry, but
if you are an alt lit writer, I think money is a long-distance goal. An online
presence is a far more attainable thing.
presence can be another category. For what is poetry? I like people’s online
presences. Sometimes, when I’m feeling down in the doldrums, I put on
Roggenbuck and watch him shout stuff at a camera for a couple of minutes. It is
life-changing stuff, it brings a tear to my sloth eye, and my life is not the
same after encountering it.
experience’ as one of the categories? Yes we can. Can we put a ‘Best online
presence’ award? Yes we can. And can we try to celebrate all that the alt lit
community has done for us, whether or not they win awards? I answer with that
timeless creed that sums up the spirit of the internet people in three simple
words — yes, we can.
on ustream for a once in a year event.