COLOR ME FUNNY
14th at Delia Foley’s at 8:30 PM Alt Lit history will be borne out
of the mouths of babes. One of those babes is the infinitely affable Steve Roggenbuck,
webmaster of ‘Live my Lief’ and preeminent poet of the online generation.
Rarely does Mr. Roggenbuck make his way to Baltimore, Maryland. Yet that’s
exactly what is happening this very Thursday, March 14th. Things are
changing. Baltimore has done a lot to prepare itself for Steve Roggenbuck’s
visit. What are most exciting are the little things about the arrival. Blink
and one might miss them.
first thing is the most obvious. The ‘Shamrock’ shake has transfigured itself
into the ‘Shamcock’ shake to better advertise itself to Steve Roggenbuck’s
legion of cockboys. Since settling down the cockboys have had an easy time of
things in merry old Chicago, working as baristas and street walkers. And boy
when one of Steve Roggenbuck’s cockboys passes, each person they pass goes
‘Ah’. It is like ‘The Girl from Ipanema’ but updated to include Steve
Roggenbuck’s cockboy entourage. Many of them are looking forward to seeing
Baltimore once more, a place so nice they named it once and promptly forgot
about it because Washington, D.C. is right next door and less funky. More no
mistake about it, Baltimore is funky as fuck. There is a reason John Waters set
‘Pink Flamingos’ in Baltimore. People get a real thrill out of it, like Steve
Roggenbuck does whenever he visits.
is ready for its self-appointed ‘sexual cartographer’. Flowers are budding. Trees are growing there
leaves once more. Some say this is due to the change of the seasons, from
winter into spring. Life is coming to rescue people from the cold dark grays of
winter. While there is some truth to this whole ‘season’ thing part of the
reason is due to the infinitely fertile loins of Steve Roggenbuck. Sadly since
Steve Roggenbuck last arrived on Baltimore’s hallowed-ass shores, he’s shed
himself of the ‘pre and post’ cum filled pants that defined an era of him. Now
sold on EBAY to someone who will definitely not wash them Steve has new plans
for Baltimore. In Baltimore Steve Roggenbuck will twerk hard to create pre cum
stains on the pants of hundreds of lucky boys and girls, transforming them into
adults from mere children.
and comedy will come together for this delightful little shindig. Among the
lucky ones are a bunch of comedians who will probably raise the roof,
transforming scrappy little Delia Foley’s regular ceiling height into loft
style. That’s classy. As an additional bonus Beach Sloth, a rare and mysterious
beast, will make a rare appearance where he will either ‘rock the house’, ‘suck’,
or more probably reach a level in between those two extremes. No photography
please for Beach Sloth, but for Steve Roggenbuck: go nuts. Take lots of
pictures. Steve Roggenbuck is the Johnny Appleseed of poetry. Watch him plant
seeds of wisdom in the mind.