Dead Midgets Review
Midgets’ is a movie about a particular form of necrophilia. To call it vile,
offensive, and obscene is a compliment. I am still in shock about this movie’s
premise and its look into the seedy underbelly of the ‘cool kid’ lifestyle. Since
I lack any form of hipness I’m better off for it. Besides, now I do not need to
drink midget blood to be hip. Though I admit, I am jealous of the close
relationship he has with himself on Facebook. I mean, Buttercup McGillicuddy
and Stephen Michael McDowell have a nice ring to it. Maybe it is time for Beach
Sloth to enter a relationship with…
Michael McDowell has better sunglasses than me. He also made a movie. I feel
inadequate once I compare myself to this magnificent, Baltimore-based creature.
Glad such a cool person lives in my city. Or at least that’s what I thought
before I saw the first several seconds of the ‘Dead Midgets’ trailer.
opening scene we witness Stephen giving the ‘oral lovins’ to a lovely lady. She
says stop. He fails at orally satisfying her. She feels disappointment from an
inability to get off sexually from his lackluster nether region performance.
How bad is the disappointment? She drinks National Bohemian. Drinking National
Bohemian is the saddest thing one can possibly do. Perhaps suicide is sadder
than drinking National Bohemian, but in a very small way, like suicide is a 100
out of 100 and drinking National Bohemian is a 98 out of 100. Fuck National
happen to young, lovable Stephen, his sexy friends, parents, and band mates. Stephen
suffers from a directionless life. He is part of some band that does the
soundtrack to his life which sounds pretty sweet. A soundtrack to life makes
most people happy, but maybe Stephen needs something bigger. Too bad young
Stephen suffers from an obsession of self-image, something anonymous bloggers
never worry about.
tries to cure this problem. Stephen swings around in an orgy cage and defiles the
bodies of midgets. This is the bacchanal. Other people encourage him to search
for himself, to find himself just like Siddhartha did, only Siddhartha never
looked this good. Siddhartha had a serious self-image problem too. Stephen
avoids this fate by swinging around the basement in the orgy cage. He stabs a
National Bohemian can, angry at it for taking his girl earlier in the film.
end of the film, Stephen finds Jesus Christ. Stephen also makes up with the
shitty, foul-tasting fluid National Bohemian that barely even counts as a
beverage, that worthless can of alcoholic piss. All his friends return. Everything
highly recommend this movie for its sheer filth and depravity. I am appalled by
Stephen’s sheer gall throughout the movie, though at the same time I want to
shake his hand. Hope one day I can do it.