Happy Dog Mom Litjournal is the hottest, weirdest thing on the internet right now. I mean that poetically, not as literal porn. Thought if you look at their “About” section they list ‘finding your parent’s porno stash’ as an experience comparable to their output. ‘Stealing your best friend’s sister’s panties’ is another experience similar to their content. What Happy Dog Mom Litjournal stands for is simple: an output so bizarre one worries about the sanity of the blogspot owner. I think if anybody is this weird they are obligated to start a blog. That’s how mine got started anyway.
Ken Baumann (of HTMLGIANT, some hardcore nerdcore literary site) wrote about this amazing blog. Apparently he pitted this tiny, scrappy blog against a non-existent blog. The non-existent blog won in an upset. Commenters sat aghast at this development. While Happy Dog Mom Litjournal lost, it gained friends. Friends like me. Besides, the comments at Happy Dog Mom Litjournal tend to take far less time to read than the plethora at HTMLGIANT. I am happy I don’t see people using citations for their comments on Happy Dog Mom Litjournal.
I adore this deeply weird collection of odds and ends. There’s music. Clitty Auras reminds me of V/VM records at its goofiest. Even Clitty’s music video represent the highest level of cinematic excellence, one of naked people humping a lush green field, and another of Hitler as a kitty cat. To call these stupid and pointless misses the many implications such work has on our culture. Forever Wolf simply reinforces Happy Dog Litjournal’s commitment to the aural arts.
There’s writing. Dora Schloss explores the art of stealing Cheez-its and cornering the pignecks market. Another soul, unfortunately named Gimais Cockwaller (probably NOT a pseudonym) wrote about his cuddly, affectionate dog Dick Bag. In Dick Bag (aka A Bag Full of Dicks) he walks his dog. Other people stuff his dog full of dicks. The dog becomes so full, then a soulful dick bag. ‘A review of my ex-girlfriend’s cat in the form of a poem’ is a dual purpose poem: to review her cat and to post a link to his OKCupid profile, which seems to be the ‘go-to’ dating site for lit-types. I think this poem helped Terd Macchio get laid, either this one or ‘Love Letter from the Lightbulb’ which gives new meaning to being ‘turned on’ or even ‘The Haircut’ which depicts a terrible hair-cutting experience. Whoever runs this site has some serious cred: they have Spitney Rears, a contributor to the New Yorker Magazine and Activia aficionado, and Dogwalk Happen, a prolific writer of books of poetry. Jamie Lee Curtis makes an appearance in these pages as well, thus confirming its importance. There are even a few longer pieces, such as the brilliant piece written by Dalgrave Chebberston Sr., a Thomas Pynchon character.
Aldous Huxley might have come up with something this bizarre during the most acidic of his acid trips. Once he had finished creating this blogspot, he probably would have jumped on the furniture, written an OPS-ED piece in the New York Times about fetid dog water, and eaten some cheese. “Yeah, that looks cool.” Huxley would have thought to himself about the stylish background border of his blogspot, a book border to represent his great interest in truly life-changing literature.
Please read this blog. It can change your life. It changed mine for the weirder, no mean feat.
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