I AM TRYING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH MYSELF BUT INSTEAD I KEEP FALLING IN LOVE WITH UNEMPLOYED NOISE MUSICIANS WHO DO COKE AND BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF CRYSTALS by Emma Shepard
The way a life unfolds can oftentimes make little to no sense. Nobody predicts it. A number of paths exist and how they are taken depends on what is around. With the wrong kind of environment those paths diminish, the variety dwindles and the bright colors dim. Youth does this a lot it pares people down to their core beliefs and from those core beliefs an entire life grows out. Life starts as a seed and it shoots out. Sometimes it follows the sun but no light is appreciated without a little darkness, as the roots settle deep into the soil.
Nourishment comes in a myriad of ways from the joys of sleeping in to the pain of going to near-purposeless parties. Most parties tend to be without a reason because they simply amble on by with a true sense of trying to kill off as much time as possible. The void of aging can consume a person as that person looks back on all the time they destroyed when they were younger. Defeating the void takes time and energy that honestly a lot of people simply don’t want to bother with, because it is always growing. Love can fill that void but that love should not exclusively come from the outside world, the dating sites and dating apps and whatever other dating technology might be available. Such deep, lasting love comes from inside.
A family history can give strength. Growing up feels deeply lonely. When there is evidence suggesting that the way you are is not alone, that there have been others down the same path, it gives a kind of hope. During the early years of a life that can be extremely important. Self awareness, self loathing, these are things that come up when a person is trying to establish their identity in their teens. People find themselves feeling isolated but do not yet realize that their immediate surroundings will not define them. Environments can dictate how a person feels growing up. Just because somebody grows up feeling lonely, like they will never connect with anyone, like they are truly alone.
Rejection, the first rejection a person experiences in their lifetime from a significant other, is a blistering kind of pain. It is exactly the sort of thing that can help a person figure out what it is they want out of life and what it is they would like to avoid. The lessons take a while, not everybody is able to find it, but the journey towards that perfect bliss is one that provides honest truthful comfort.