Keep This Bag Away From Children Issue #1
the exciting conclusion. I love putting my greasy paws all over this thing. I
want others to put their greasy paws all over it too. Have fun with this
collection. That’s the intention. Keep it away from children because they don’t
understand alt lit. Start them with some twitter to help ease them into this
San shows her ambivalence towards relationships. She gives her boyfriend
permission to ‘have fun’ with a certain, special ex-girlfriend. Romantic has
multiple kinds of reasons. I guess to be romantic you have to do that whole ‘if
you love something set it free’ I think. I’m not sure, I’m a bad butterfly.
Raheja writes about her experiences thinking about cavemen and cavewomen.
Living in caves is reasonably affordable. I wonder why we don’t that that
anymore. Artists are big into saying lots of words until they run out. I think
that’s called ‘writing’.
Berndt plays on a playground. He wants to revisit childhood. I like how he
dissects all the rules of childhood. It reminds me of that book ‘Where the Wild
Things Are’. The way he describes childhood is how someone who has already
experienced it would describe it. Childhood becomes a piece of nostalgia stuck
forever in our hearts because we can’t reach it ever again; only give the rules
to the next class.
Maleck has drawn pictures of a couple of seriously excellent keyboards. I want
them. Perhaps I should start up my musical project once again.
Cicero writes what I hope is a fictional conversation. Otherwise this might be
one of the most twisted transcribed conversations I’ve read in my entire life.
There seems to be some confusion about who came from what. Glad I’m a sloth and
don’t have to deal with ethnicity and such. Happy animals can go wherever they
want to. Animals are freer than people. Maybe that’s why animals are treated so
poorly, because people don’t have that freedom of movement.
Byers meets Frankenstein in the Apple Orchard. Frankenstein appears to be an
affable enough chap. He waves to her while she eats some fruit. I wonder what
he was doing there. Feel Frankenstein could land a better job than Orchard
Stroud makes me laugh with this fake resume. It’s sort of amazing. People put
this sort of thing on their resumes. I do. I like the ‘No Excel please’. That’s
a nice touch. Excel gives me horrible nightmares. I use it regularly on a
non-technical basis. How the intern takes credit for random things happening is
a nice touch.
Fishkind returns to us. He forgets his dog’s name. That is a major insult in
some circles. I’m okay with it since dogs are un-chill with me. Hope someday a
dog and I can truly ‘bond’. Not sure if that will ever happen. Hope the insects
in the story are alright.
Castro lives a bleak life. I never want to share a room with this guy. Look
what he does. He takes chapbooks to the bathroom to read. I treat chapbooks
like my children. They wait outside for me to return from the bathroom. Wonder
why his life seems so bleak. Hope he gets cheered up or something. Maybe this
is what the writing life is like though my writing regiment appears to be
considerably more social and involves less ‘wiping’. Want to give Jordan a hug
but only after he washes his hands.
Nguyen is the littlest spoon. She writes about sharing a bad with somebody,
someone like you perhaps. Wonder how cold her breath truly is. I don’t think
tornadoes form in beds, at least not while the inhabitants are sleeping. Think
you need to be wake for that to happen.
Wilk has a really nice mother, willing to steal toilet paper for her kids. To
me, love is stealing bathroom items. They aren’t luxuries, they are things
needed for life. Sorry that her thanksgiving didn’t go that well. Mine usually
consists of watching Indiana Jones on TV and napping. Actually my thanksgivings
are pretty good.
Schur-Narula draws a big, beautiful thing. It reminds me of stained glass
windows from church. Whatever you want it to be, it is.
Lent writes about what it is like to be a twenty-something in America. Every
detail is there. How her friends look. The texts she sends to people. Anything
you could possibly want to know is written down. My personal favorite part is
‘what do you think we are supposed to be doing?’ I ask myself that question
everyday while looking in the mirror. My eyes dart before I can answer.
Castro writes about something happier this time around. This time he writes
about killing yourself as a joke and coming back as Caspar, the friendly ghost.
Though I feel this Caspar would be a lot creepier and possess more hair.
Pray writes about Gloria. This is the pain of aging. Growing old can hurt.
Seeing change is tough. Roller skating is a tough sport now. People dress up in
different outfits than in Gloria’s day. For me Marilee’s ending is the
heart-breaking bit. It’s a perfect closer to the collection.
got see this wonderful collection. There are a number of people in here I
haven’t read in a while. Andrew also introduces me to a few newcomers, those
not on my radar before. I’m always trying to expand my horizons. Will I ever
reach the horizon or will it slowly but steady bathe me in a beautiful golden
light? I hope it is the latter. Please keep this bag away from children.