please open wide by Blare Coughlin
ignored by Alt Lit. With Blare Coughlin’s help dentists will finally get the
respect they deserve. Dentists are the most Alt Lit professional: suffering
from higher rates of depression than any other profession they are ideal
candidates to join the Alt Lit movement. Of course the chapbook begins the way
a typical dentist’s day does: with a shoot-out. Unfortunately many dental
patients hate their treatments. Quite tragic really, the dentist fights against
a tide of indifference and false promises. At least in the short story the
dentist gets shot in the heart, a better fate than what dentists usually get.
angels protect in theory. Like communism however, in practice guardian angels
are rather worthless. They spend vast amounts of time wasting time on the bus.
Sadly guardian angels earn minimum wage hence their lack of enthusiasm about
their jobs. By making clothes during their bus trips guardian angels get
additional spending cash for the luxury of the dollar menu whenever bad food is
sold. Normally though guardian angels get more of their food from dumpsters.
Some dumpsters are better than others. Freegans know this well. In a way all
freegans are guardian angels giving waste new purpose. If only people got the
same deferential treatment as commodities. That day is far away however.
are life. Life is full of sorry. That means that there is enough humility to
admit when one has done wrong. It is okay. Sometimes this sort of thing happens
where nobody knows what is about to happen. It simply happens. Balding requires
no apology. Genetics take care of hair, or help it to disappear. Other
instances are stranger still. IKEA furniture is a mystery. Bilar, that
delicious Swedish candy, that stuff is wonderful. Exes are executive former
friends or lovers. Keeping a good relationship with them is important for it is
good to get a perfectly honest opinion on things.
beauty is honesty. Turning people away for dates sounds rather cruel and
unusual. Everybody ought to get themselves a sweet silly date. Nobody tells the
truth to the conventionally beautiful. Rather they hear lies. What the
conventional beauty does is force the truth through a series of tests to
determine the importance of the words, deeds, or actions. When someone is built
tough, Ford-tough, then they are able to go through gullies and ditches.
Regular conventional built people lack that same sort of pickup power. It is
better to be built ‘like a rock’ then ‘like a dove’.
into a cloud is difficult. Transforming in the cloud though, that’s something
people do on a regular basis. The cloud is a way to change people. The cloud is
the new college, the ultimate re-brand.