SELECTIONS FROM MIRA GONZALEZ’S UNEDITED TWITTER BY MIRA GONZALEZ, EDITED BY MATTHEW DONAHOO
potentially of the Boyle variety, pees with her bladder out. That is reality.
One day it is a housing project filled with people who probably possess indoor
plumbing. Next she pisses on a cop car out of her frustration with the fine men
and women in blue. Police generally dislike anybody urinating upon their
sparkling vehicles. With their cars the police are able to solve important
crimes, like the crime of who the fuck pissed on their goddamn police car. If
police officers followed the ever-affable Mira or Megan on Twitter they might
have known. Unfortunately police officers have yet to understand Twitter as a
social media site.
is all over Twitter. Mira uses Twitter to disappoint her entire family. This is
an effective use of Twitter. Families enjoy gathering around the old computer
box and critiquing each other’s tweets. Quality over quantity, that’s probably
the motto of Twitter. Though for some people Twitter becomes a MEME of
consciousness. Following too many people can create more than MEMEs or streams
but torrential rivers that threaten to destroy everything in their path. Twitter
is scary. It can destroy lives.
probably why Mira does drugs. Over the course of these tweets Mira mentions
many medicinal and non-medicinal forms of self-medication. Listed en-mass the
ass also receives a shout-out. Mira states how ‘crack is fine’. Public decorum
did take a stance on crack a while back with ‘crack is whack’. Mira has a more
sympathetic ear for crack addicts. Growing as a person is perfectly natural.
Sometimes pants become too small. Posteriors are for posterity. Cracks of the
ass bulge out of pants due to the smallness of the pants. Yep pants can be
really petty towards over-sized asses. Unfortunate as the ass epidemic may be
(via the obese lifestyle) there’s no reason to call people out on it. Even Mira
gets upset at asses stating Beyoncé ruined the Superbowl with her powerful ass.
No ass is an island. Even assholes have feelings, attached to an actual person.
One ought to be kind to gigantic asses for they hold the power.
course with the mentions of public urination, twitter, and drugs beer can’t be
too far behind. Mira is extremely lucky to live in New York. In New York
alcohol is available in 7/11s. Some states, backwards ones like Maryland,
prohibit the sales of alcohol in convenience stores. If alcohol can’t be
purchased in a convenience store then it isn’t very convenient. Thankfully Mira
is able to get her ‘drink on’ via the 7/11 lifestyle. As an added bonus she
thinks about tweeting whilst in the 7/11, thank heaven.
it ends with Mira literally crying while eating ice cream. Nobody should cry
eating ice cream. People ought to scream for ice cream. That’s the life: frozen
dairy products with sugar on a hot summer day.