Selections from Willis Plummer’s Twitter by Willis Plummer, Edited by Mira Gonzalez
man, what a man, what a man, what a very fine Willis Plummer. There is no need to
say it again now. Willis Plummer has officially ‘made it’ with this
life-altering appearance on Muumuu House. Many have been wowed and won over by
his epic, drug-induced, mustache-referencing tweets. At this point in alt lit
twitter selections count as some sort of ‘collection of letters’ because who
writes letters anymore. In real life nobody can like or re-tweet a letter. Such
things are heavily personal and on the internet it is never personal. Most of
the internet, when it does un-follows states it is not personal simply
professional, implying ‘twitter ratios’ that must be maintained.
collection starts chronologically to see the tortured mind of a mustachioed
miscreant. Willis contemplates his own death. Live-tweeting generally does not
happen at funerals but there is always a ‘first time’ for everything. Hashtags
on twitter are an important way to bring attention to one and partake in a corporate-sponsored
decision. Or it could simply be a ‘trending topic’ which is equally scary, if
not scarier. People on twitter can be terrifying things. Impulse tweets on
twitter show the portrait of the user as an unredeemed asshole. Thankfully
Willis Plummer makes twitter a better place.
shows some serious scary vibes. No man needs breast implants, not when food
exists. There is also the ‘sitting in an office blankly staring at a computer
screen’ regimen which really helps put on those pounds. At other points Willis
looks up what the point might be to having such a tiny sauce pan. Clearly he
has never fed a fairy. That’s why his mustache weighs him down. Facial hair in
general prevents smiling and laughter. Santa Claus only laughs because he does
a ton of drugs.
certainly Willis’s plan. Xanax takes up a large majority of his tweets. Many
have written extensively about Xanax, including Tao Lin some alt lit bro.
Getting a MacArthur grant to surf the internet sure would be grand. Unfortunately the
MacArthur committee realized it was foolish to give out grants to people surfing the
internet. Carles of Hipster Runoff fame still lives off of his MacArthur grant
because he rarely needs sunlight or food anymore. Poor Willis can’t remember
the last time he didn’t take drugs. Are drugs the new hugs? This is scary.
Brave New World is here and people are lining up just to get down.
Gonzalez edited these lovely tweets together. She certainly has a way with her
careful selections, focusing on the funniest and bleakest tweets. Together Mira
and Willis form an unstoppable duo that has never met.