Steve Roggenbuck is a Child of the Corn
Roggenbuck hauled corn today. The simple statement hides great truths. Long
before Steve Roggenbuck knew of poetry he lived in America’s heartland, the Corn
Belt. Like the Bible belt, they worshiped. Unlike the Bible belt, the Corn
Belt worshiped corn. Oftentimes sacrificing other, lesser plants on the altar
of corn, the farmers of the Midwest hoped for bountiful corn harvests. Many
independent farmers have given up harvesting corn, calling it too corny.
Fortunately the Roggenbuck name has not given up on the corn harvests feeding
the world with corn.
Appleseed of corn. Watching the amber grains of field fall from the back of the
truck Steve Roggenbuck felt his eyes well up with tears. That corn would never
know the joy of life with Wi-Fi. Most corn typically does not have reliable
Wi-Fi access. Instead corn on the cob has to go to Internet cafes in order to
get their Wi-Fi fix. Hence Facebook accounts maintained by corn tend to be
updated startlingly infrequently. Many pieces of corn have heard of Steve
Roggenbuck’s inscrutable online presence but have yet to fully partake in the
overwhelming joy that it brings.
millions of corn stalks’ lives. For he has begun to document ‘the harvest’ the
time when corn goes from being yet another plant on a farm to something truly
special. Lots of plants long to gain the same respect as corn. They fail. There
can be only one corn. On Steve Roggenbuck’s farm those pieces of corn are being
uploaded online all of the time. Pictures of corn, videos starring corn, Steve
Roggenbuck is determined to make the corn video the new cat video.
able to become the hip food it always secretly wished to be? While the
influential late 90s band KORN certainly helped re-brand corn as tough,
no-nonsense rockers that was quite a long time ago. Over an entire decade corn
has lost its allure to the hipster kale kids and various other plant life. Corn
needs to realize that it is no longer the 90s anymore. That popularity it had
from long ago may have some revival, but to become truly cool corn is going to
have to think outside the creamed corn, the most Satanic of corns (thanks to
David Lynch and his Black Lodge). Now corn has a chance. Steve Roggenbuck is there
to bring corn the online social media relevance it has so sorely wanted.