why i thrift with hamburgers by Daniel Alexander
Alexander is the fashionista of alt lit. Lately there is so much style coming
out of alt lit. First Steve Roggenbuck’s appearance in the New York Times,
Mario Ariza’s stylish threads, Mike Bushnell’s stylish face paint, and now this
comes out. People need to dress up for alt lit. It is an official thing. Will
there be a ‘Do’s’ and ‘Don’ts’ of alt lit? Vice Magazine already has this down
to a science. Alt lit tends to be a bit nicer than alt lit, thought several alt
lit members have been featured in Vice Magazine. Vice Magazine is
food stamps for alt lit writers.
beat drops. Daniel knows how to drop the beat into the ground. Once it stops it
just won’t stop no matter what. The beat is doing it, it needs to keep going.
Something needs to be a backup track for Daniel’s relentless positivity. Here
is where he admits his shirt is iconic. Many have wondered aloud when Daniel
was going to admit that this shirt was iconic. A few have speculated that
Daniel’s shirt is becoming like Steve’s hoodie. Is this a possibility? Or is
America big enough for two stylish alt lit writers? Besides Daniel wears a
shirt, Steve wears a hoodie. There is a big difference between the two.
appear. Daniel’s closet is full of thrift store threads. Here is where one can
see the true level of splendor and luxury Daniel lives in each and every day.
One shirt shows a green monster playing a video game out of his head. This is
an amazing advance in technology, predicted in the 90s but has yet to come to
pass. Mount Rushmore receives some attention. Ever since Google Image search
came about people have had less desire to travel. If one travels to see
something couldn’t they simply Google it, sparing countless hours in transit
for little to no reason. 2pac is cool with Daniel apparently. This is important.
What is the ‘shocker’ of the video is an Antarctica jacket. Normally elves make
jackets in the North Pole. Antarctica has ‘hell elves’ which are those elves
cast out of Santa’s workshop for various misdeeds. That is why the jacket is
red, with evil elf tears.
dolphin. Dolphins are the golf-playing douchebags of the sea. See how the
dolphin bounces the ball while thinking to itself ‘No big deal. I’m a total
asshole. Fuck You.’ Yep dolphins need to chill out. Out of all chill humans
Daniel Alexander may just be the one to turn the dolphin from fishy to fierce.